Alice's Birthday Wish
by arebeltotheidea
Summary: Has Jasper ever done some big-time damage to any public objects and then had to cover it up? What and how did he cover it up?-- My question; my friend's answer, though i wrote it up into a oneshot. HUMOR! Thanks Anissa, for this one! very old FF


**_Okay... So my good, good friend Anissa and I ask each other really scarily random questions about Twilight. In this case, I loved this answer so much, I made it into a oneshot!_**

**_This was the question I asked:_**

_Has Jasper ever done some big-time damage to any public objects and then had to cover it up? What and how did he cover it up?_

**_And so her answer was alot shorted and less detailed, but I loved it so much I HAD to write it. So 85 percentGoes to her, for the ideas, and the rest to me for writing. :) Enjoy! And i am thinking about putting up our questions in a fanfiction..._**

**_Review pleeeeease!_**

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"Carlisle, are you sure you know where it is?" Esme asked again. It was driving me crazy! You'd think a museum would be easy enough to find. Oh no. Not in Carlisle eyes.

"Jasper, stop it." Edward growled as he was wedged between Alice, Jasper and I, in the back. Rose was in her car and Esme in the front with Carlisle.

"Jasper!" Edward snapped.

I chuckled and leaned forward to look at them, "What is he doing this time?"

Alice giggled, but Edward glared, "What do you think he is doing!"

"Ohh..." I laughed. I knew exactly what he was doing. I mean... who _wouldn't_ with Jasper's ability to change the moods of a backseat full of teenagers.

You make them horny.

"Quit it, please?" Edward sighed.

"Guys..." Esme said over her shoulder.

"He keeps touching me!" Edward complained.

"She keeps touching me!" Jasper pointed at Alice as if it was her fault.

"He just looks so damn cute." Alice giggled at Jasper who looked down, smiling.

"Jasper, keep your hands to yourself." I scolded, grinning.

"Bite me." She spat.

I wiggled my eyebrows and opened my mouth but Esme shushed us. That's when Jasper and I decided to have a staring competition.

"THERE IT IS!" Alice beamed, leaning across us three boys' laps and pointing out my window.

Edward chuckled, patting her head as she lay on his lap and Jasper stared at her butt. I just watched where his hand was going.

"Come on," Carlisle had gotten out of the car and opened my door. Alice clambered over our laps and out. I got out then and Rose walked up behind me, swinging her arms around my waist, "Happy birthday Alice!" She beamed.

"Happy birthday, little one." Edward teased her and pattered her head once more. She glared playfully up at him and blew the hair out of her eyes.

Jasper picked her up in a bear hug and swung her around, yelling happy birthday. She wobbled and grabbed his hand as we all went into the museum.

Alice loved to look at the pictures of the screaming colours. Or so that's what I called them. The ones with the bright colours, yet she liked the ones that made Rosalie look very out of place too.

Rose and Esme however liked to look at the garden photographs. I shoved my fist into my mouth to stop a groan of boredom escape.

"What's wrong with you?" Jasper whispered.

I frowned, "So white. So boring."

"I know what you mean." He nodded.

I turned around and slipped through the doors to the next hall. I strolled along casually, my hands in my pockets when I came across a statue.

It was one of those naked Greeks ones; I burst into hysterical laughter!

"What's up with you?" Edward frowned and I jumped, but was still laughing.

I turned and pointed at the statues man-parts. Though... I wouldn't really call them that. I mean... there was hardly anything there! "I mean... come on! That's ridicules! There's... there's nothing there!" I laughed. People looked around and left quickly. Was I disturbing the peace?

Edward stared around lazily, his eyes casually wandering to the statue. His face was stern but as soon as he spotted the cause of my laughter, his smile cracked and he started to laugh. He actually pointed and slapped his thigh too!

Jasper crept in, "What the hell are you two laughing about! Esme's getting worried."

I pointed at the statue and held onto Edward's shoulder for support.

Jasper rolled his eyes and sighed, "Hey, his... uhh... size...is not his fault... I mean, it's not like it's completely useless!" He smiled, "The artist was probably just... experimenting... you know?"

"Jaz, you're scaring me." I said, as my laughs died down.

"Look, this little-" As if to emphasize his point or something, he reached over and knocked his hand into the groin of the statue. There was a crunch and crack and Edward's laugh stopped abruptly, my smile fell.

Jasper had a discomforted look on his face as he brought his hand away and looked down at it. Plastered over his knuckle, was the statues... genitals.

His eyes widened and the marble fell with a crack to the ground.

He blinked, "I just broke the penis off a statue." He said bluntly. Edward laughed louder than ever and I snorted.

Jasper stared at the piece on the ground and then frowned.

I breathed, "Yup, guess you did. Did you bring some glue, trunk-crusher?" I wiggled my eyebrows.

"Hold on..." Jasper thought and looked up, "Hey, make sure no one gets through the doors, okay? I know what I have to do."

Edward's eyes widened, "Hey! It's a freaking statue! You don't have to sacrifice your man-hood for this piece of stone!"

Horror was written all over our faces.

"I'm not that stupid!" He sighed, "Look... Just guard the doors!"

Edward and I walked to the door and looked out. Everyone was browsing a large statue of a woman and her baby. There was a cool breeze that ruffled our hair and a flash of white.

I stared, shocked and turned to Edward. He stared right back. We both burst into the room and looked at the statue. The statue looked the same as before, but now was wearing very familiar blue Levis slipping down just a little to reveal Calvin Kline boxers with, _'Property Of Jasper Hale'_, written on the waistband.

Edward was wide-eyed, my mouth was hanging open. This was unbelievable! There was a squeal and we both snapped out of our daze and looked at each other, "Yay! Edward was wrong! Birthday wishes _do_ come true! Come here, Jazz!"

I swallowed.

Edward smirked, "Alice..." 


End file.
